Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
