You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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