Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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