There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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