Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
