I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
