Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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