Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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