i already hear my dad disowning me
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
