so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
