last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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