I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
