There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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