You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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