i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
