She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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