You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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