it wasn't lemon gatorade
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
