He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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