Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
