every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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