very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I need moral support for this bender
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
