forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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