haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
there is glitter all over my balls
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