Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They took my balls.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
