That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Randomize
