I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
