It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
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I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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