he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Congratulations! We have a period
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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