i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
