Pappa wants mamma naked
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
