He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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