i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
