oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
