Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
