I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
