she was so not down for the gang bang
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
