the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
