C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
