Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Randomize
