Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
