living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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