i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
