Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
sarcasm needs its own font
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
