...so i touched it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
