I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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