bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
