Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
