I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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