We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize