I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I want her autograph on my taint
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
