Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
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the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
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