...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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