i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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