I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
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