remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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