Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My ass is underappreciated
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
