Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
