Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
