She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
