if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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