you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
