I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
