Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i will never coherently bang her
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
